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| 'Crisis' in the City of Angels |
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LOS ANGELES - Los Angeles gives you the best of all worlds. There’s the sand and the sun and the surf and nature everywhere, as well as a thriving multi-cultural metropolis. I look at the big Hollywood sign, and it strikes me that life should be “movieland perfect” here. But even in Hollywood, there are people struggling with elder care needs that have to be met. It’s as if they are walking around with big question marks over their heads, wondering, “How do I deal with my family obligations, job responsibilities, my career, my social life, my own kids, the elder care issues in the family, and how did my own free time get away from me?” After speaking with the mayor of Malibu and an exciting book-signing party at Dutton’s Books, I ended up in Palos Verdes, where one moment really stood out for me. 'The difficulties of this responsibility' After I gave a talk and book signing at the Palos Verdes library, a 45-year-old woman came up to me. From her clothing and jewelry it was apparent that she was well off, but she was in tears as she approached. She hugged me, saying “This is the first time I’ve heard anyone talk about the difficulties of this responsibility.” It turns out that she’s a caregiver for her mother and father-in-law – and she’s feeling overwhelmed. I asked her how she handles the stress. She said she plays basketball for 30 minutes against her garage since she doesn’t even have time to go to the local court. These are the only moments she has to herself in the course of a day. A moral obligation - and time for you This woman was obviously in crisis. She felt a moral obligation to take care of her in-laws since they always treated her well. And since her husband is their eldest child, she felt a social obligation as well. But there’s nobody there to take care of her. She falls asleep exhausted every night. This brings me to a crucial point that I will say over and over: Caregivers have to take care of themselves or the entire thing falls apart. You have to enlist others to help you, and if you have the means, consider hiring help to come in. As the woman walked away after we talked for half an hour, I was at peace because I knew she had a few new tricks up her sleeve. I feel that I made a positive impact in her caregiving journey, so the trip is already a success! Next: Taking care of important things first. Dr. Marion Somers visits San Diego.
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“Caregivers have to take care of themselves or the entire thing falls apart.”
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